suzette has requested specific situations to "solve." i will try to oblige - come on you lurkers, give it a try.

situation 1:
i am at the movies and there is only one 'butter station' open to butter my popcorn. there is a woman there, completely determined to butter on every kernel in the bag ...

wow- take a few days off and look at the confrontation (oops- conversation) you miss.

i would have to say that the majority of confrontations i encounter fall into the category defined by mr. blauer as occurring in "mutual" relationships. i don't ordinarily encounter the fists and guns variety, but ...

it strikes me in reviewing some of the topics and posts, that there is a difference between verbal and physical violence that we have not yet discussed.

in a physical confrontation, there is rarely doubt when you are being threatened. in a verbal confrontation, there is a lot of "wiggle room." a ...

a few thoughts come to mind. first is, i am thoroughly enjoying this discussion. thanks!

next, as to strength of personality being variable, i would have to say the concepts don't match in my mind. i do understand that we may _appear_ to have different "sai" in different situations, however, we are ...

my thoughts on both kerry and gmattson's comments are that clearly a "reframing" is in order. our thoughts determine our feelings. consider:

i was driving one day, in a hurry and feeling a bit agitated because of previous events of the day. in my rearview mirror i noticed a police car. my heart ...

as suggested in another thread, let's discuss strength of personality or presence. i believe this is part of the point of verbal self defense, to project an air of quiet strength that discourages others from starting or prolonging confrontations.

a quick example that demonstrates the need:
in my ...

suzette and mary, many thanks for your replies. this is a subject i am very involved in and making efforts to sort out.

i would like to address something mary referred to: honest communication.

what is honest communication? perhaps this needs a new thread and a definition, like "chi."

my ...

Certainly, simply passing on a relationship in which a person acts badly ( blames others for problems, calls names, fails to take responsibility) is a viable alternative, although i fear we could end up very lonely, since we all make errors from time to time.

mary's suggestion ("sorry, i don't have ...

how does one deal verbally with another's error? remembering the objective is to allow both parties to save face, i am presented with a difficult situation.

try this scenario. i live with "john" and can make no other arrangements. john borrows money, and assures me it will be back by thursday ...