I also think a challenge that women face that men do not is that when women eventually have children
and also work and do the majority of the housework, there seems to be little to no time left to train
regular basis. With small children they have no sitter.
First let me say I enjoy visiting this site to see where I might be failing any female students and what their concerns may be. Thanks for that opportunity.
I would like to address the above comment made by Kristy. This view point is put out there in almost any debate comparing the sexes. I find it mildly offensive.
You see in my house I work, firefighter, on average 48 hrs. a week. I do all of the house work and about 95% of the cooking(we have two daughters, 11 &13). I mean it , landry washing floors, sewing, ironing, EVERYTHING.
I also do all the outside work, grass in the sumer, snow removal in winter, painting, wash cars etc.etc.etc. This is compounded by the fact that we have two properties. One in the city and one in the country where we move during the summer break.
I train for 3 to 4 hours every morning and the same every night. I take off one day a week. I hold the rank of Yondan.
I guess what I'm saying is, it can be done if you want to do it. If it really isn't in your heart then it won't be hard to find an excuse. The old story of the rotten deal women get out of marrage and kids is just another "out" sneaking in there so one can quit should they want to.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's kinda' crazy, but it's all in your outlook.
Shakespeare said"nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so".
Please don't consider this an assault on your point of view I just wish for you to see others are successful training and doing housework, some of them men.
Gilbert.
It's not about equality
Moderator: Available
-
Gilbert MacIntyre
- Posts: 191
- Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2000 6:01 am
- Location: Sydney, NS, Canada
It's not about equality
Gilbert-san,
Thank you for your post - and the honesty of your comments. As I've said here before - disagreement is welcome - and I'm sure you are not the only one to find parts of the topic find mildly offensive. This is a good place to air these things - as they can fester and cause underlying divides between people with enough differences to work with already!
We run a real risk by generalizing things into gender related categories... this is one of the real challenges of a forum like this! Certain aspects like anatomy cannot be disputed - and then psychological and social aspects that are tied to gender enter in, BUT - they are certainly not all-encompassing. For example - a fear of sparring. Women may have more general conditioning, (some social, some genetic) that makes sparring a difficult challenge, but men have often told of obstacles they have to face every time they enter the ring. Strength being another aspect influenced by gender - yet not defeated by it.
When we speak of challenges faced by women entering a male-dominated art (there ARE more men than women in martial arts, although more and more women are involved in recent years) we can bring up many things - and child-rearing is certainly one of them. This is NOT to say that men do not take part in these responsiblities - many do - and some have the majority of the responsiblity. Traditionally however this is an aspect of life viewed as "handled" by women - and while that is becoming perhaps less the case in day to day life - there is still a social stigma that observers may find themselves applying, even unconciously, when a woman is taking part in activities that take her from her "traditional" responsiblities in the home. This is also something many women face within themselves - a divided loyalty of sorts - to dedicate themselves completely to an art will SEEM as if they are compromising their responsibilites as a mother. "How can I leave my kids with a babysitter so many times per week after working all day?" Pressure may be on the woman, either verbally or even through unspoken signals by a mate or family members as to why she would submit herself to such "abuse" and train so hard and leave her kids at home. Women first had to face this as they entered the work force more heavily in recent decades, and, they continue to face it as they develop interests that are "outside" the norm, often in a society that plays with morals as if they were a poker game. (He (or she!) who holds the best cards makes the calls.)
This, I believe is more central to this thread - that child-rearing can be a challenge for BOTH sexes when they blend it with a demanding study such as karate. However, women may face a stronger challenge by what they believe their OWN role is "supposed" to be, or by pressure from others.
One thing that I don't like, personally, is when a judgement is made that if she wants it bad enough, she'll just do what needs to be done, period. There's a lot more to "wanting it bad."
In the years leading up to my shodan, I was a single mother, ran a full time computer help desk, full time college student (12 credits per semester) and I even delivered pizzas on weekends to make ends meet - receiving not one penny of court-ordered child support. My daughter was literally raised in the dojo - often sleeping on exercise mats in the back during late classes. I DID receive opposition, her grandparents would often have a comment or two about regular bedtimes and not enough meals at home, etc. Then there were the comments abut how in the world do I handle it - too many responsiblilities etc. Looking back now I don't know HOW I did it - but I did. It sure as hell wasn't easy, but I feel that the karate study helped all other aspects of my life. Yet I STILL have compassion for men and women who find it hard to juggle family responsibilities and regular workouts. I could say "hey - I did it - so can anyone." But I don't - it is an individual journey and while I believe anything may be possible if someone is willing to pay the price, sometimes the paying of the price is too heavy in the moment at hand. As someone who's "been there" - instead I have tried to find ways to help those who have a sincere desire to work with through those challenges... different class times, bringing kids to certain classes, whathaveyou.
Gilbert-san, I truly admire your schedule, your dedication to your art and your family. You have found a way to incorporate both harmoniously. Many of us have - regardless of gender. Let's just recognize that that blending of worlds is yes - a LOT of work, taking an incredible amount of discipline, dedication and drive - something that the martial arts teach us - something many people are looking for - and can be a hurdle to overcome - in fact it may be the very thing that draws them to the martial arts ! Not everyone has these skills in place at the onset - they need to be developed, and the dojo can be a place to do that. A certain amount of dedication must be in place, granted, but all of us come to karate with our own motivations and perceptions, and how others perceive us may be a factor in how we respond as well. As instructors and seniors we need to recognize these things, and again - thank you for bringing this up as many could use the reminder!
Peace,
Lori
Thank you for your post - and the honesty of your comments. As I've said here before - disagreement is welcome - and I'm sure you are not the only one to find parts of the topic find mildly offensive. This is a good place to air these things - as they can fester and cause underlying divides between people with enough differences to work with already!
We run a real risk by generalizing things into gender related categories... this is one of the real challenges of a forum like this! Certain aspects like anatomy cannot be disputed - and then psychological and social aspects that are tied to gender enter in, BUT - they are certainly not all-encompassing. For example - a fear of sparring. Women may have more general conditioning, (some social, some genetic) that makes sparring a difficult challenge, but men have often told of obstacles they have to face every time they enter the ring. Strength being another aspect influenced by gender - yet not defeated by it.
When we speak of challenges faced by women entering a male-dominated art (there ARE more men than women in martial arts, although more and more women are involved in recent years) we can bring up many things - and child-rearing is certainly one of them. This is NOT to say that men do not take part in these responsiblities - many do - and some have the majority of the responsiblity. Traditionally however this is an aspect of life viewed as "handled" by women - and while that is becoming perhaps less the case in day to day life - there is still a social stigma that observers may find themselves applying, even unconciously, when a woman is taking part in activities that take her from her "traditional" responsiblities in the home. This is also something many women face within themselves - a divided loyalty of sorts - to dedicate themselves completely to an art will SEEM as if they are compromising their responsibilites as a mother. "How can I leave my kids with a babysitter so many times per week after working all day?" Pressure may be on the woman, either verbally or even through unspoken signals by a mate or family members as to why she would submit herself to such "abuse" and train so hard and leave her kids at home. Women first had to face this as they entered the work force more heavily in recent decades, and, they continue to face it as they develop interests that are "outside" the norm, often in a society that plays with morals as if they were a poker game. (He (or she!) who holds the best cards makes the calls.)
This, I believe is more central to this thread - that child-rearing can be a challenge for BOTH sexes when they blend it with a demanding study such as karate. However, women may face a stronger challenge by what they believe their OWN role is "supposed" to be, or by pressure from others.
One thing that I don't like, personally, is when a judgement is made that if she wants it bad enough, she'll just do what needs to be done, period. There's a lot more to "wanting it bad."
In the years leading up to my shodan, I was a single mother, ran a full time computer help desk, full time college student (12 credits per semester) and I even delivered pizzas on weekends to make ends meet - receiving not one penny of court-ordered child support. My daughter was literally raised in the dojo - often sleeping on exercise mats in the back during late classes. I DID receive opposition, her grandparents would often have a comment or two about regular bedtimes and not enough meals at home, etc. Then there were the comments abut how in the world do I handle it - too many responsiblilities etc. Looking back now I don't know HOW I did it - but I did. It sure as hell wasn't easy, but I feel that the karate study helped all other aspects of my life. Yet I STILL have compassion for men and women who find it hard to juggle family responsibilities and regular workouts. I could say "hey - I did it - so can anyone." But I don't - it is an individual journey and while I believe anything may be possible if someone is willing to pay the price, sometimes the paying of the price is too heavy in the moment at hand. As someone who's "been there" - instead I have tried to find ways to help those who have a sincere desire to work with through those challenges... different class times, bringing kids to certain classes, whathaveyou.
Gilbert-san, I truly admire your schedule, your dedication to your art and your family. You have found a way to incorporate both harmoniously. Many of us have - regardless of gender. Let's just recognize that that blending of worlds is yes - a LOT of work, taking an incredible amount of discipline, dedication and drive - something that the martial arts teach us - something many people are looking for - and can be a hurdle to overcome - in fact it may be the very thing that draws them to the martial arts ! Not everyone has these skills in place at the onset - they need to be developed, and the dojo can be a place to do that. A certain amount of dedication must be in place, granted, but all of us come to karate with our own motivations and perceptions, and how others perceive us may be a factor in how we respond as well. As instructors and seniors we need to recognize these things, and again - thank you for bringing this up as many could use the reminder!
Peace,
Lori
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Gilbert MacIntyre
- Posts: 191
- Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2000 6:01 am
- Location: Sydney, NS, Canada
It's not about equality
Lori-San 
or is chan) I can't remember that thread, help me out.
Well it would appear that you have caught me being arrogant, and you pointed it out so elegantly. My only consideration was time, I was foolish not to realize that society has roles for us all. Myself, I try not to let this have an impact on my life, and at this stage of my life most people know that I really have no concern over what is thought of me.
That said, I also acknowledge things weren't always this way, and others may be at a different point in their travels.
Thank you for correcting my assumption and I hope Kristy will forgive my errant finger wagging.
I still make the assertion that on a time concern, we can do it. I believe your own story certainly shows that. It isn't always easy, things may be crazy for a while, but that's why there isn't 8 black belts for every ten people.
Gilbert.
or is chan) I can't remember that thread, help me out.Well it would appear that you have caught me being arrogant, and you pointed it out so elegantly. My only consideration was time, I was foolish not to realize that society has roles for us all. Myself, I try not to let this have an impact on my life, and at this stage of my life most people know that I really have no concern over what is thought of me.
That said, I also acknowledge things weren't always this way, and others may be at a different point in their travels.
Thank you for correcting my assumption and I hope Kristy will forgive my errant finger wagging.
I still make the assertion that on a time concern, we can do it. I believe your own story certainly shows that. It isn't always easy, things may be crazy for a while, but that's why there isn't 8 black belts for every ten people.
Gilbert.
It's not about equality
Gilbert-san,
No reprimand intended! Your demeanor and language here speaks of a gentleman - and your comments are very welcome! Whether they agree with me or not!
I am also at a stage in life where others' opinions of me matter little to none - in fact it has been that way for sometime given the unorthodox ways I have managed my life thus far... but that is not as relevant as the fact that you added a point germaine to this discussion - in fact crucial to many topics on most of these forums - and especially here - that of perception. As has been said before - readers of these forums do not have the benefit of body language, facial expression or vocal tone when reading the words left behind a writer's intent - language is a very imprecise medium at best - yet it is the only vehicle we have to work through some issues that serve to hopefully help us in some way in our journeys.
How we perceive other's remarks can color the meaning behind them - and this perception is in turn colored by our own life experience - and I was attempting to shed a little light on that possiblity - this forum moderation is a tricky venture at best! I also want to make sure that all contributors feel that their views - dissenting or otherwise are welcome.
As such - I do agree with you that there IS a way to find time to train - and the determination necessary separates the wheat from the chaff so to speak. Those who do find ways to make training a priority - with the myriad challenges to both genders - are certainly deserving of recognition of their hard work - rank in that sense is not a bad thing! Like you said - if it were easy - there would be 8 black belts for every 10 people. Even with the advent of "McDojos" - a traditional black belt is an accomplishment that should be representative of hard work, dedication and sacrifice - but hey - I'm singing to the choir here!
I may be a bit sensitive to the issue - knowing the challenges I face as a mother and managing a dojo - holding down a full time job as well doesn't make it easy - my kids have eaten their share of meals in the dojo office - but so far it doesn't seem to have harmed them any. It isn't always as simple as that - but with anything worthwhile there must be some sacrifice somewhere - and our perception of the severity of that sacrifice is often what will determine our actions.
Please keep contributing!
Peace,
Lori
No reprimand intended! Your demeanor and language here speaks of a gentleman - and your comments are very welcome! Whether they agree with me or not!
I am also at a stage in life where others' opinions of me matter little to none - in fact it has been that way for sometime given the unorthodox ways I have managed my life thus far... but that is not as relevant as the fact that you added a point germaine to this discussion - in fact crucial to many topics on most of these forums - and especially here - that of perception. As has been said before - readers of these forums do not have the benefit of body language, facial expression or vocal tone when reading the words left behind a writer's intent - language is a very imprecise medium at best - yet it is the only vehicle we have to work through some issues that serve to hopefully help us in some way in our journeys.
How we perceive other's remarks can color the meaning behind them - and this perception is in turn colored by our own life experience - and I was attempting to shed a little light on that possiblity - this forum moderation is a tricky venture at best! I also want to make sure that all contributors feel that their views - dissenting or otherwise are welcome.
As such - I do agree with you that there IS a way to find time to train - and the determination necessary separates the wheat from the chaff so to speak. Those who do find ways to make training a priority - with the myriad challenges to both genders - are certainly deserving of recognition of their hard work - rank in that sense is not a bad thing! Like you said - if it were easy - there would be 8 black belts for every 10 people. Even with the advent of "McDojos" - a traditional black belt is an accomplishment that should be representative of hard work, dedication and sacrifice - but hey - I'm singing to the choir here!
I may be a bit sensitive to the issue - knowing the challenges I face as a mother and managing a dojo - holding down a full time job as well doesn't make it easy - my kids have eaten their share of meals in the dojo office - but so far it doesn't seem to have harmed them any. It isn't always as simple as that - but with anything worthwhile there must be some sacrifice somewhere - and our perception of the severity of that sacrifice is often what will determine our actions.
Please keep contributing!
Peace,
Lori
It's not about equality
Gilbert,
If you read on in my post, you would also see where I said something to the fact that "either you love martial arts or not and if one's heart is not in it, then they will find any excuse to quit"
So I do agree with you. I suppose I am blessed to have a non martial artist husband who keeps the children for me many times. But there have been many times I had to take the children and felt guilty because I felt as though my child was disrupting the class.
We are not tossing around the idea of turning the "office" into a play room (which would be GREAT) We NEVER actually use the "office" expect for storage anyway. So if any of you instructors out there have extra room, you may want to consider that idea.
And so glad to hear that you help with housework so much!!!
Kristy
If you read on in my post, you would also see where I said something to the fact that "either you love martial arts or not and if one's heart is not in it, then they will find any excuse to quit"
So I do agree with you. I suppose I am blessed to have a non martial artist husband who keeps the children for me many times. But there have been many times I had to take the children and felt guilty because I felt as though my child was disrupting the class.
We are not tossing around the idea of turning the "office" into a play room (which would be GREAT) We NEVER actually use the "office" expect for storage anyway. So if any of you instructors out there have extra room, you may want to consider that idea.
And so glad to hear that you help with housework so much!!!
Kristy
It's not about equality
Oh and by the way - since you asked - Just "Lori" is fine with me - I often use the -san appellation out of respect to the varied styles and ranks appearing on these forums - there is no real set of courtesy rules for proper address on forums like these - so I just fall into a dojo habit of using the -san in place of a Mr. or Ms. even though the correct usage would only be with a last name... I also add a "sensei" out of respect to some teachers I've worked with - but that is my own convention and not necessary in return.
Although I take liberties with the -san - the "-chan" suffix is a diminutive, like calling John "little Johnny" or some such, it is also a term of endearment meant for sweethearts and lovers - as far as I understand it from those more knowledgeable in Japanese language than I. Gary Khoury has written a couple of excellent posts on terminology and proper forms of address as applies in the dojo - and some of them naturally carry to the forums - but this is a somewhat less formal environment with different challenges in a cyber medium - I only mention it because the courtesy and respect should still be required - regardless of the medium. So - in my long-windedness - "Lori" is fine!
Also - I have been following your story of good samaritan coming back to bite you and extend my sympathies - stories like that keep people from stopping and helping those really in need of help - you're to be commended not only for your willingness to help but your attitude after the fact... not many would take things so well in stride!
Safety point on that issue - especially if not primarily for women: never travel without a cell-phone and never ever stop to help a stranded motorist - note the vehicle type, color and location and phone it in the the local authorities - safer that way...
Although I take liberties with the -san - the "-chan" suffix is a diminutive, like calling John "little Johnny" or some such, it is also a term of endearment meant for sweethearts and lovers - as far as I understand it from those more knowledgeable in Japanese language than I. Gary Khoury has written a couple of excellent posts on terminology and proper forms of address as applies in the dojo - and some of them naturally carry to the forums - but this is a somewhat less formal environment with different challenges in a cyber medium - I only mention it because the courtesy and respect should still be required - regardless of the medium. So - in my long-windedness - "Lori" is fine!
Also - I have been following your story of good samaritan coming back to bite you and extend my sympathies - stories like that keep people from stopping and helping those really in need of help - you're to be commended not only for your willingness to help but your attitude after the fact... not many would take things so well in stride!
Safety point on that issue - especially if not primarily for women: never travel without a cell-phone and never ever stop to help a stranded motorist - note the vehicle type, color and location and phone it in the the local authorities - safer that way...
It's not about equality
That was suppose to we are NOW tossing around the idea of turning the office into a playroom.
Sorry,
Kristy
Sorry,
Kristy
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Allen M.
It's not about equality
Lori-san. That must mean "Three Loris" - or more exactly meaning Lori successfully deals with life's issues by being in three places at the same time, most of the time. 
------------------
Allen, Home: http://www.ury2k.com/ mirror: http://home.ici.net/~uechi/
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Allen, Home: http://www.ury2k.com/ mirror: http://home.ici.net/~uechi/
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Gilbert MacIntyre
- Posts: 191
- Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2000 6:01 am
- Location: Sydney, NS, Canada
It's not about equality
"Lori"is fine:
Thanks for the info, and the comments on my Good Samaritan deed.
Kristy:
Lori I would like to know what you think on this as well. I'm going to give a dead horse another whack.
You see on the topic of perception I think much of what we say adds to how others may view our situation or any given situation. I draw your attention, Kristy, to your comments praising me for helping with the housework.
Am I wrong or does this give the impression that I shouldn't be doing it or at least it is worth praise that I do. Further to this, does it not assume that my wife, the female in the relationship, should be doing the housework.
I wonder if that is how you see it, and I should tell you that I don't HELP with the housework...I do it, all of it. My wife, whom I love dearly is an accountant and is out of the house all day, it just makes sense for the person home to be doing the chores. But make no mistake about it she doesn't do squat! notta' zip.
As I wipe my hands on my apron I return to the task of getting supper on the table.
Gilbert.
Thanks for the info, and the comments on my Good Samaritan deed.
Kristy:
Lori I would like to know what you think on this as well. I'm going to give a dead horse another whack.
You see on the topic of perception I think much of what we say adds to how others may view our situation or any given situation. I draw your attention, Kristy, to your comments praising me for helping with the housework.
Am I wrong or does this give the impression that I shouldn't be doing it or at least it is worth praise that I do. Further to this, does it not assume that my wife, the female in the relationship, should be doing the housework.
I wonder if that is how you see it, and I should tell you that I don't HELP with the housework...I do it, all of it. My wife, whom I love dearly is an accountant and is out of the house all day, it just makes sense for the person home to be doing the chores. But make no mistake about it she doesn't do squat! notta' zip.
As I wipe my hands on my apron I return to the task of getting supper on the table.
Gilbert.
It's not about equality
Allen-sensei!
You figured out my secret! That is the ONLY way I've been able to juggle all the things life throws at me! (Advanced lesson number 45 - right between walking on water and levitation...)
(I'm selling limited rights to that appendix in my "book of secrets" - let me know if you are interested for your next most excellent book!
)
You figured out my secret! That is the ONLY way I've been able to juggle all the things life throws at me! (Advanced lesson number 45 - right between walking on water and levitation...)
(I'm selling limited rights to that appendix in my "book of secrets" - let me know if you are interested for your next most excellent book!
)It's not about equality
Gilbert-san,
You crack me up! Your comments on perception are serious however and I take them that way!
This is quite entertaining with everyone here posting at once - but the dojo draws me - got to go open the doors or students will be forced to work out on the hot pavement again - may have them to do that anyway - hmm.
Looking forward to more comments on "perception" - I've got my own but will try to let a few other people get a word in edgewise!
You crack me up! Your comments on perception are serious however and I take them that way!
This is quite entertaining with everyone here posting at once - but the dojo draws me - got to go open the doors or students will be forced to work out on the hot pavement again - may have them to do that anyway - hmm.
Looking forward to more comments on "perception" - I've got my own but will try to let a few other people get a word in edgewise!
It's not about equality
Gilbert,
I think all families operate differently. And I know your wife bein an accountant she probably stays busy enough with work especially if she represents corporations.
I think if both work outside the home then both or at least the one who has the less demanding job should take on household chores.
However, there are few men that are willing to do it. or at least of the men I know.
So, yes I think you should be praised because not many men take on the responsibility without complaining.
Kristy
I think all families operate differently. And I know your wife bein an accountant she probably stays busy enough with work especially if she represents corporations.
I think if both work outside the home then both or at least the one who has the less demanding job should take on household chores.
However, there are few men that are willing to do it. or at least of the men I know.
So, yes I think you should be praised because not many men take on the responsibility without complaining.
Kristy
It's not about equality
Panther-san,
Thanks for stopping by and sharing the story! You are absolutely right - Respect - a two-way street - is key in every single one of these issues.
Rory-san,
A great link - I looked at it the last time you placed it here and apologize if I didn't acknowlege it then. VERY central to this thread and well written. Thanks for posting it again!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing the story! You are absolutely right - Respect - a two-way street - is key in every single one of these issues.
Rory-san,
A great link - I looked at it the last time you placed it here and apologize if I didn't acknowlege it then. VERY central to this thread and well written. Thanks for posting it again!
-
Gilbert MacIntyre
- Posts: 191
- Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2000 6:01 am
- Location: Sydney, NS, Canada
It's not about equality
Kristy:
Good answer. May I add that if you are working outside the home and doing most of the housework, you too deserve a big pat on the back. Then add training to that, you're doing things right my friend.
On the perception thing, you know stay at home and don't ever follow your desires. I believe you are doing a great deservice to yourself as well as your children. First of all, you can't be happy being just half a person(you know not doing things you want to). You will give much more to your children if you feel complete and satisfied. Second you teach your children valuable lessons about life when you show them how to have balance in their lives. PLEASE I AM NOT SAYING THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH STAYING AT HOME. IF THAT MAKES YOUR LIFE COMPLETE WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT.
Should you wish to dive into this subject more a fantastic book is "Women Who Run With The Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
Gilbert.
Good answer. May I add that if you are working outside the home and doing most of the housework, you too deserve a big pat on the back. Then add training to that, you're doing things right my friend.
On the perception thing, you know stay at home and don't ever follow your desires. I believe you are doing a great deservice to yourself as well as your children. First of all, you can't be happy being just half a person(you know not doing things you want to). You will give much more to your children if you feel complete and satisfied. Second you teach your children valuable lessons about life when you show them how to have balance in their lives. PLEASE I AM NOT SAYING THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH STAYING AT HOME. IF THAT MAKES YOUR LIFE COMPLETE WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT.
Should you wish to dive into this subject more a fantastic book is "Women Who Run With The Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
Gilbert.
It's not about equality
Gilbert,
I'm not sure if I know what you are talking about when you say "staying at home".
I meet every karate class every week and special classes as well.
And I agree and this is what I try to tell all my women friends (martial artist or not) You have to take time for yourself. If it's going for a walk or whatever you enjoy, you need that special time to do what you enjoy or be alone. You will be a happier mother!
I will check into that book. Sounds like a good one!
Kristy
I'm not sure if I know what you are talking about when you say "staying at home".
I meet every karate class every week and special classes as well.
And I agree and this is what I try to tell all my women friends (martial artist or not) You have to take time for yourself. If it's going for a walk or whatever you enjoy, you need that special time to do what you enjoy or be alone. You will be a happier mother!
I will check into that book. Sounds like a good one!
Kristy
