30 random facts about chuck norris

[AAAhmed46]

Found this on another martial arts forum. Bloody awsome.
http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty




30 little known things about Chuck Norris

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Stole this straight from a post at t-nation, don't have the original source. Some great stuff!

15 Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris


1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.



More stuff.

Fact:
The Passion of the Christ is really Chuck's story, but Mel Gibson couldn't afford the rights.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin every full moon and then mails the husk to Jamie Kennedy, for reasons still unknown.

Fact:
Chuck Norris ate Vin Diesel, and defecated out two smaller Vin Diesels, who then fought Chuck Norris. He pounded them back into one regular Vin Diesel, that is the Vin you know today.

Fact:
Chuck Norris defeated Forrest Gump in 99 straight games of ping pong. After losing the 100th game, he went on a rampage and created the Grand Canyon.

Fact:
Chuck Norris cannot say a false statement. If he does, the universe changes around him until his statement is true. This may sound ridiculous, but ask your grandparents about when rocks used to float and we lived in the United States of Soapy Water.

Fact:
Chuck Norris was asked to star in the movie adaptation of "Doom." He declined however, because the script brought back bad childhood memories of when he killed 700 space marines on Mars.

Fact:
Never, ever, say 'Chuck Norris' five times whilst looking into a mirror. Nothing happens, but you look like a ****.

[-Metablade-]

Also,
Here's one you might not know;
His real name is Carlos.

I was looking at a Blackbelt magazine back in the 80's when my Aunt (Who had lived in Malawi Africa since the 60's) who was visiting the states, looked over my shoulder and said; "Hey, that's Carlos Norris!"
My face went numb as my jaw dropped.
HUH??? "CARLOS?!!" (I thought she was having a Geritol Moment, you know, when older folks mispronounce popular culture icons like "Would you kids like some "Fruity Boulders, cereal?" )
I humored her.."No. Aunt Sue, that's CHUCK Norris....CHUCK.."
"No"..she said..That's Carlos..CAR-LOS..Norris. He married his high school sweetheart, but what's he doing in that Kung Fu newsletter?"
"That's Blackbelt MAGAZINE, Aunt Sue."

Anyway,
He's in my Aunt's yearbook at Torrance High School.
My Aunt told me that "Carlos" used to come over and listen to records after school in their garage with about 10 other kids at the time.
He apparently wasn't into MA at the time, and (Gasp!) apparently he's at least part Latino.
The whole thing tripped me out big time.

[jorvik]

Quote
"and (Gasp!) apparently he's at least part Latino."

The name "Carlos" kinda gives that away though ....another American Icon bites the dust ........

just don't say anything bad about the "Duke" " big John"...............just don't fqn go there ..it's not worth your life ..there I have spoken

[-Metablade-]

Uh, perhaps I should clarify:
I didn't mean to say that him possibly being part or all Latino was in ANY way an issue at all.

Non issue.

Esto no es un problema de ninguna manera.

[-Metablade-]

For jorvik:

The "Duke's" real name was "Marion".

~Clearly a homosexual.

John Wayne went to school at Glendale High School, California, which is a block from my house.

~Lot's of Homosexuals at that school. I've seen 'em!.....walking down the street...."Homosexually"

On June 11,1979, the date of John Wayne's death, the flame of the Olympic Torch at the Coliseum in Los Angeles was lit to honor his memory. The airport in Orange County, California was renamed shortly after his death to John Wayne Airport.

~Flaming torch for his memory, and Orange is the color of , well, FLAME...Uh huh..

John Wayne, when asked how he wanted to be remembered, replied: 'Feo, Fuerte y homosexual" - Spanish proverb meaning
"I was ugly, strong and I was gay."

~There you have it.
Now, excuse me, I have a plane to catch.
(Fwisk~!)
Hehehehe

[David Talley]

thats just good stuff. Blade still has to die but that was funny.

[jorvik]

No, I'm sorry it wasn't funny.it was Damm insulting.....The Duke was never a batty boy.but you are right blade must die
what next Clint Eastwood cross dressing ...

[David Talley]

Blade I really don't think any harm should come to you. I knew Clint was a little funny when he made that Bridges of Madison County movie.

[Stryke]

the dukes not dead , he`s just been cryogenically frozen ...

when we thaw him out he`s gonna be pissed ....

[jorvik]

Gosh I dunno you guys should be banned I'm personally gonna email GEM......................the Duke and Clint walk funny coz they ride horses is all.................if you rode as many horses as the Duke has then you would walk funny...and look at all the positive things that he did. All thoses guys that he saved in the " sands of Iwajima".. AND HIS IMMORTAL LINES when he actually SAW Jesus..."TRULY HE WAS THE SON OF GOD"..........I mean how can you spout all this Un American Drivel....I'm not even American, but we never had a "Duke" or a Clint or even A "Stallone"

[David Talley]

you've got Sean Connery..kinda. Don't you guys own that island? Tell GEM I said hi

[Stryke]

Don't you guys own that island?

[jorvik]

And Hugh Grant ( but I love the bit with the Black prostitute................although I can't remember what film it was in .........three weddings and a funnel")

[-Metablade-]