Meet your next sparring partner, your ego

[Shana Moore]

I had a revelation yesterday evening, and I'm wondering how many others do or have faced this or a similar issue.

About 1/3 of the way through class last night, I suddenly realized that I had stopped watching my sensei and our top ranked student, because I was so focused on doing things my way...In other words, I had stopped learning and was trying to show how much I'd learned or was simply too self absorbed .

It was then I realized that this wasn't the first time I'd probably done this, and I really needed to SNAP OUT OF IT! Personal practice time is when I should be going at my speed and trying different things, but during class time, I should be focused on the count offs so I stay with the class, the technique of my teacher and higher ranked students, and on watching/doing/LEARNING. I was focusing on what I was doing, but it was in a very....blind way. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I was blind to what others around me were doing so I could try and learn something more...it was almost as if I was so confident I "had this down"....

So, I refocused, and opened up my eyes and mind...and near the end of class I caught myself doing the same thing, all over again. (beats head against wall).

So, how often have you found your ego...in big or small ways...being one of your toughest opponents as you learn and train?

[hoshin]

i am not 100 % sure about what you are trying to express. however if i am understanding then..
different dojo do things different ways. if you were in my school there would be no counts other then junbi and hojo undo. my experience has always been to encourage the exact oposite of what you are saying.
funny huh.

[Shana Moore]

The counts are in hojo undo and in group practice of kata. I think I was trying to protect my ego in the way I worded the OP

I think I was trying to show off what I knew..when what I knew is still very small...and I was making some mistakes...this allowed Bill to point out some of my errors, but it also made me realize I was more "doing" than "learning". I'm just trying to determine if others find themselves full of the "I know this", when they really are still learning and getting a clue. The other sides of this are lack of self confidence or an inflated ego. Neither being good.

For my part, I think I'm letting my brain and ego get in the way of my observation and learning. That's what I was really trying to say.

I do think all students should be looking at what they do from many viewpoints and trying new things in and out of class...but you need to have open eyes and ears to learn...and sometimes, I think my ego and eagerness to accomplish things...gets in my way.

Is that any clearer?

Also, thanks for your post, as it gives me another way to look at things.