Beware the Facebook Sirens

[Bill Glasheen]

I really don't spend much time on Facebook. I have far too busy a life these days. But I maintain that social connection because it's a place I can go catch up with old friends when I need to.

In the last few months, I've had two (2) females "friend" me who were also friends of other Uechika and/or martial artists on Facebook. The process goes something like this. I see someone requesting a friend link. I check them out, and they are female with a very nice picture. Too nice... But I see they are "friends" with a few other martial artists I know, so I go with it. Why not? I teach at camp, and have had hundreds of students in my various classes who are students of other teachers. I figure we might as well keep the Uechi network together.

And then it comes... With the first one, I had a very young and beautiful girl tell me she was in love with me, blah, blah, blah... Frankly even if I was available for her, I'm not that stupid. Power and accomplishments are great aphrodisiacs, but really! I'm not that enamored with myself. But I was curious, so kept the friendship going and held this person at arm's distance. I even got a Skype connection and "chatted" with this person via a video conference for some time. But that chat was kind of odd. She had an address from a foreign country. She was typing - and not speaking - pretty good English. I could see her face and it matched the pictures, but could not see *her* hands typing. Just a face looking down towards an alleged keyboard. Before long, she's talking about not having a job, and needed money or she was going to lose her phone connection and not be able to contact me. Could I send her some money? I love you so much... and can I have money please?

Oye!

More recently I got another connection. The face was sultry with big lips, but she had half a dozen well-known uechika as friends. Maybe it was real. I wasn't on for 5 minutes and she IM-ed me from Facebook. She says hi. She tells me she "friended" me because she liked my picture. (Hmmm... Never mind the fact that I need to update it.) And then... Oh darn, she had to go. Could I send her my cell phone number so she could text me?

Yea, right!

No, I said, I need to get to know you better. I haven't heard from her since.

You can read between the lines here. People get scammed all the time. I had a friend who put down a deposit on a house for rent, only to find out that the person who got that money didn't own the house. It had a For Sale sign up, but that wasn't the owner. The address? Some "missionary" in Africa. Uh huh! Sad thing is, these people didn't have the money to be scammed. That hurt them badly.

Just an FYI. I'm all for boy meeting girl, but... but... often these connections don't lead to butt.

- Bill

[Van Canna]

More recently I got another connection. The face was sultry with big lips, but she had half a dozen well-known uechika as friends. Maybe it was real. I wasn't on for 5 minutes and she IM-ed me from Facebook. She says hi. She tells me she "friended" me because she liked my picture. (Hmmm... Never mind the fact that I need to update it.) And then... Oh darn, she had to go. Could I send her my cell phone number so she could text me?

Ya, Right...got those 'big lips' too, and she wanted my cell number so she could send me 'more pictures'

Never gave any answers to these 'cyber broads' ...

The lips were tempting though

[Jason Rees]

Twitter is worse. I have to block three or four accounts a week.
As for Facebook, I always ask whoever they're fb friends with about the person before accepting a friend request. References are just as important on the interwebz.

[Van Canna]

Right on, Jason. Fortunately I don't twit at all...
or f/book much...a waste of time, really.

[Valkenar]

I've never really understood why you'd friend someone unknown to you (unless you're a celebrity reaching out to fans). I guess if you're lonely or looking to hook up it makes some sense, but I think there are better sites for both of those things than Facebook.

[Van Canna]

Good point Justin, but I think that it is mostly a reflexive thing in the sense that if you don't 'befriend' upon request of someone friendly with other people you know...you think the other person will resent it, and you will have made another cyber 'enemy' ...a possibility.

But I think you are right...best not fall into a trap...

[MarkNoble]

You can limit your exposure on fb by adjusting your settings so that only people in your networks can find you. This is what I have done. Only persons who are part of the same academic networks as me can find my profile using a search. Moreover, I know a number of people here (particularly girls) who don't use their full names on fb. A common thing that people do is to use their first name and then their middle name as their last name on fb.

[Bill Glasheen]

Great discussion!!

I've never really understood why you'd friend someone unknown to you (unless you're a celebrity reaching out to fans). I guess if you're lonely or looking to hook up it makes some sense, but I think there are better sites for both of those things than Facebook.

We're not talking the general Facebook community, Justin; we're talking about our Uechi network on Facebook. Van touched on this.

As Uechika we're an open community to all those with good intent and martial interests. As a teacher since 1978 with "great grandstudents" and friends around the world, I feel a responsibility to the style. Plus I have a "WOO" personality. (Source: StrengthsFinder.) I've never met a stranger, and I can strike up a conversation with anyone.

Also... I am a naturally curious person. When younger, I was asked to be the straight at LSD parties. I chose not to imbibe, but am libertarian enough not to judge others for personal choices. Surely you can relate, Justin. Now in the early 1970s you could read The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test back then to learn about that community. Or... you could meet some of these people first hand. The (ethical) scientist in me cannot be held back.

I also am not going to fault boy wanting to meet girl, and vice versa. I lost count of the number of my karate students at UVa who ended up at the altar. Please tell me what's wrong with that.

Hooking up just for sport? *That* never happens in a martial community... (jk) Yes, there are inappropriate ways to do so, and character is most definitely at stake. But "it" happens.

All that said... I wasn't born yesterday. But when I "friend" someone with half a dozen Uechi contacts and she ends up being something quite different from what she makes herself out to be, I feel a responsibility to my friends to raise the flag. Furthermore I've talked with female friends about the first case above. Some think the woman quite possibly could be in a prostitution situation. Do I find her attractive? No... I pity her.

- Bill

P.S. If anyone is interested, I will privately share the names in question.

[Glenn]

In the last few months, I've had two (2) females "friend" me who were also friends of other Uechika and/or martial artists on Facebook.

Were they specifically targeting uechika, or was it just a numbers game and coincidence that they friended multiple uechika? We would be a rather obscure group as far as the rest of the world is concerned, so if they were targeting uechika it seems they would have had some connection to the Uechi network for this to start.

They would be out of luck with me, I get on Facebook maybe twice a year. I am pretty sure I have some friend requests that have just been sitting out there for months. I only accept those whose names I recognize though, and I'm OK being unpopular!

As an aside, there is a downside to accepting a lot of people you really do not know. A couple years ago I had trouble logging in to Facebook and the system decided the activity was suspicious enough to want authentication that I was me. The authentication process was rather innovative, it would randomly pick a profile picture from one of my 'friends' and give a multiple choice question for me to identify that person, and it ran through a series of these although I forget how many I needed to get correct. Now face-name recognition has never been my strong suit normally, but to try to identify a high school classmate from a current photo or friend of a friend from any photo, forget about it. It took me about an hour of playing this game before I finally hit a series on ones I knew (several from process of elimination based on previous rounds) and correctly identified enough people to gain access to my account once more. I unfriended quite a few distant 'friends' and particularly friends of friends after that, mainly just keeping those I could identify if this happened again!

[Jason Rees]

I'm still waiting to see if fb trips up my security clearance check. Should be interesting.

[Bill Glasheen]

Were they specifically targeting uechika, or was it just a numbers game and coincidence that they friended multiple uechika?

I'm thinking Markov Chain. No Machiavellian plot. But once in the Uechi network, you ask to friend others in their network.

- Bill

[KYUechi]

I have a simple effective way to identify those gals. They are hot, I don't know them, they have little info about themselves, and all of their "friends" are male. Delete Request!

[Bill Glasheen]

I have a simple effective way to identify those gals. They are hot, I don't know them, they have little info about themselves, and all of their "friends" are male. Delete Request!

As a scientist, statistician, and sometime predictive modeler, I have to give two thumbs up to your rules of thumb.

Gosh... none of them go both ways, eh?

- Bill