When I was a mere guppy in the dojo, I was taught that the first rule of the dojo was respect. This was to apply to my seniors as well as to my fellow karateka, and as new people joined the dojo, to the lower ranks as well. It went without saying that this extended beyond our own school, to other schools, styles, and disciplines. As I became more active in the martial arts, eventually teaching and running my own school, the inevitable politics became more apparent to me, and the lack of respect that runs rampant there is not really the topic of this thread, (That one was covered in the D.H. Lawrence quote.) although it is related.
The reason I bring it up now is partially in response to the great thread we have going on males and females working out together. (Continued from the D.H. Lawrence quote)
I noted in my last post on the other thread some of the issues I've seen, but there are another set of circumstances dealing with the courtesy issue that I'd like to bring up here.
Any time you have men and women working out together in such a physically intimate art - gender differences are highlighted no matter how much you try to reduce them. Fact remains, you cannot hit a female in the chest the way you can hit a male. Strikes to the groin hurt on both sides, but that is not the point. Differences in natural upper body strength, muscle development, and all kinds of issues have been brought up in this forum and on others, and as much as we might like to think we gender has no place in the dojo, it will always be an issue.
With respect and courtesy, these differences can turn into learning for both sides.
Yet there is some teasing and humor, as I said in the last thread, and the point again is the courtesy to keep it tasteful (mostly anyway!
)and not go too far.I know and have heard of other dojos where this does not happen, where women are treated as second class citizens, or as sexual objects.
I've heard of dojo-born romances that sometimes result in happy unions and even marriage - Glasheen sensei has proclaimed himself the "proud papa" of more than one of these! As for dojo born romance - that's another thread!
I've heard some of the stories from the 60's and 70's where many women joined a dojo simply as a sexual opportunity.
I've also heard too many stories about women getting their rank by who they sleep with. Maybe a few are true, but I'd venture a guess that most are born of jealousy and not of fact.
Sure, a few wild things happen at a camp, or a function, or some type of situation where men and women are training hard, and playing hard afterward. This is not limited to karate functions. But is not what consenting adults do on their own time their own business?
OK, if they are blatantly acting immorally in public, and are supposed to be examples as seniors, then I might have a problem with it. But what about these stories that "so and so did this with so and so" etc. etc. ad nauseum? Ever notice that these things proliferate whenever a political issue arrises?
What kind of respect is it when these stories are perpetuated???
There are too many "stories" relating to the gender gap. On the roundtable, mention has been made of men "hitting on" women and vice versa. Often a woman has to show incredibly physical prowess before she earns respect. Even then, rumors start. Small fry and white belts are not immune either. Anytime men and women work together it seems, the "juicy gossip" is a hot item behind the scenes. I've even been accused (not within my own dojo of course) of having an intimate relationship with my own sensei, with whom I am very close, and who is now my business partner. Why is it that a female cannot be friends with someone in the martial arts world without having sex with them? (At least according to the scandal mongers!) And even for those that do, what kind of low-life pond scum needs to perpetuate this kind of gossip? Is this the respect we espouse in the martial arts?
I've heard some real whoppers; some amazing tales of female karateka and seniors, of seniors "getting girls" for other visiting seniors, you name it. Rumors or truth, I choose not to perpetuate them, and try to extract myself from conversations where this comes up. But it seems that the "Enquirer" underground is alive and well in the karate world, and this is another hurdle that women will have to face as we become more active in the world of budo.
I like the quote: "people who live in glass houses..."
And even if you don't live in a glass house, what is the point of slandering fellow karateka? Is this part of the courtesy and respect that Kanei Sensei wrote in his "dojo rules of conduct?"
Or should it be translated as "respect only those who follow your political agenda"...
How incredibly sad!
As women make their way in the martial arts world - how can we find a way to extend the concept of "respect" to both genders? To our own and to the other as well?
Peace, courtesy, and respect,
Lori
