I bit my tongue yesterday, and wanted to say borrow a Hell's Angel's jacket and wear it for one day; a serious but possibly impractical thought. I also thought you may wish to have a big tough-looking dude escort you one morning, get a good look at him, and even introduce himself in a friendly-like non-threatening [don't want to turn the table] manner.
To me, the bottom line is to nip this thing in the bud before he gets his mental meat-hooks imbedded too deeply. It is a lot easier to shake him off in the beginning, to tramnsmit some sort of message that you are not to be messed with, while his figuring out what to do next with/to you is still in its infancy.
The suggestion to report it to the authorities is best by far and I hope it rings some bells. If you are lucky maybe they will loan you a plain-clothes policeman who may even put in a few words on your behalf to the stalker if he feels it is appropriate.
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Allen Moulton from Uechi-ryu Etcetera
Stalking
Moderator: Available
Stalking
Took a different route to work today but went through that area at lunch time ... no sign of the guy but of course that doesn't mean anything 
Thanks everyone for their advice. Appreciated.
Thanks everyone for their advice. Appreciated.
Stalking
If you have good security in your building have them walk with you. They should be more than happy to escort any woman to and from their office and car. If you see that guy while security is with you they will now know who to look for and you will not have the fear of seeing him by yourself. Security, who should have more experience and/or training with this sort of thing, can confront this guy, when you are not present if you so desire. Make sure your building security knows. If because you go through more than one building there are several Security departments make sure they all know. Do not just assume that they talk with each other.
If security says they can not spare the manpower to walk with you nicely remind them that you are what they are suppose to protect, and how bad it would look in the papers if someone got hurt in their buildings because of their lack of action. At a minimum ask some big guy in your building you know and trust to walk with you. Better safe than sorry.
Good luck.
JB
If security says they can not spare the manpower to walk with you nicely remind them that you are what they are suppose to protect, and how bad it would look in the papers if someone got hurt in their buildings because of their lack of action. At a minimum ask some big guy in your building you know and trust to walk with you. Better safe than sorry.
Good luck.
JB
Stalking
Jaime - thanks! Actually I remember during college days getting a campus police escort when walking across campus at 6 a.m. to work in the cafeteria. So far I haven't seen the guy again but I'll be keeping my eyes open. The "security" officers in those buildings are all under the same umbrella of employer. Seriously I don't know how well they would do in the "protection" business. I honestly think I would be better equipped to deal with anything physical than they would (unless they use the walkie-talkie as a weapon). 
Actually I remember during college days getting a campus police escort when walking across campus at 6 a.m. to work in the cafeteria. So far I haven't seen the guy again but I'll be keeping my eyes open. The "security" officers in those buildings are all under the same umbrella of employer. Seriously I don't know how well they would do in the "protection" business. I honestly think I would be better equipped to deal with anything physical than they would (unless they use the walkie-talkie as a weapon). Stalking
It is unfortunate women still have to deal with these issues but this is a vital topic for discussion. This information is so important. I have also read Gavin DeBecker's books (The Gift of Fear & Protecting the Gift) and recommend them highly to anyone interested in not only their personal and family safety but to those that are teaching women's self defense.
BB
BB
Stalking
A policeman who once taught us self-defense said that, if you think a guy is stalking you, then he very likely is. You should take all REASONABLE actions necessary to protect yourself. Most of these have been suggested already, so I won't repeat them, but what I will say is you should be careful to keep your response within the bounds of reason. For instance, pulling a knife on a guy who is only following you would very definitely be frowned upon by the police in the States, let alone Canada, as you have escalated to deadly force when the situation has not called for it. Similarly, I would not suggest sriking out at the guy unless he has made a move at you, and for similar legal reasons. You will be seen as having started the fight, and, if you are trained in a martial art, it will look bad for you. So, my advice is to keep your resonse to his actions reasonable but effective.
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Walk in the Light, Hugh
hughf_us@yahoo.com
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Walk in the Light, Hugh
hughf_us@yahoo.com
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Scott Cargill
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2000 6:01 am
- Location: Bakersfield, Ca.
- Contact:
Stalking
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mary S:
) and yes, there are "security" people on-site so I can go to them.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Mary.
GO TO YOUR Security deptartment! That is and should be your first move.
Not knowing your martial training, I'll won't assume either.
Your security deptartment needs to be alerted, if for nothing else but to let them know so they can look for the guy and confront him.
In San Soo (Tsoi Li Ho) we're taught that in any confrintational event, the moment someone gets in our personal space it's already past the time you should be doing something.
In our world today it is politically incorrect to go offensive over even such a sitiuation as this. But in our world today more and more thought needs to be given to events like this as they're more and more common.
I guess I'm just not a nice guy. I think the guy should have tripped a couple of times on the escalator.
) and yes, there are "security" people on-site so I can go to them.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Mary.
GO TO YOUR Security deptartment! That is and should be your first move.
Not knowing your martial training, I'll won't assume either.
Your security deptartment needs to be alerted, if for nothing else but to let them know so they can look for the guy and confront him.
In San Soo (Tsoi Li Ho) we're taught that in any confrintational event, the moment someone gets in our personal space it's already past the time you should be doing something.
In our world today it is politically incorrect to go offensive over even such a sitiuation as this. But in our world today more and more thought needs to be given to events like this as they're more and more common.
I guess I'm just not a nice guy. I think the guy should have tripped a couple of times on the escalator.
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Allen M.
Stalking
It's been one week since your original post, Mary. Is this guy still following you? If so and you've done nothing, you may be inviting the inevitable. I strongly suggest you reach him on your terms before he reaches you on his.
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Allen Moulton from Uechi-ryu Etcetera
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Allen Moulton from Uechi-ryu Etcetera
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Jackie Olsen
- Posts: 619
- Joined: Fri Sep 18, 1998 6:01 am
- Contact:
Stalking
Good advice from Allen, Mary (and others). As one who has been there, done that ... don't be lulled into a false sense of security. Stalkers/predators live up to the definition of their name. They strike without knowing and come out of hiding just when you think they aren't around anymore.
Pay attention to your "animal instinct" and don't be concerned about "looking foolish".
Be safe, Jackie
Pay attention to your "animal instinct" and don't be concerned about "looking foolish".
Be safe, Jackie
Stalking
I haven't seen him since last week - and trust me - I've been looking!
It could be that because it's a high traffic area I "misinterpreted" or he could have just been some guy trying to make someone (anyone) uncomfortable. I guess some people get their kicks that way.
It could be that because it's a high traffic area I "misinterpreted" or he could have just been some guy trying to make someone (anyone) uncomfortable. I guess some people get their kicks that way.
Stalking
Mary-san,
Don't sell yourself short! Trust your first impressions - they tell a LOT! It's only after time and space that we tend to diminish the importants of certain facts - a known phenomenon that investigators are aware of - which is why they press witnesses to give statments as soon as possible after an incident. Another thing is the psychological aspect of something like this - subconciously we seek a well-ordered world around us - void of threat and stress - and our memories will adjust themselves accordingly so that we can continue our lives in a comfortable state of mind, or at least in a way that allows us to reconcile the event logically so we can put it to rest. It is natural to think you may have been over-reacting at this point in time - I've felt the same thing myself after certain things that made my radar go up. But as DeBecker writes - there is no way to accurately track the number of incidents AVOIDED because we listen to our inner survival signals.
Review a couple of points from your original post just to keep yourself from letting it go to fast. Of course we don't want to walk around in life seeing threat in everything - but to recognize a potential threat and keep THAT aspect in the back of your mind could well save your life someday.
Some of the things that stand out to me are these:
- He's someone you don't recognize as working in the building.
- At a time when most people were going TO work, on two separate days, he was just sitting, and observing. (At which time he may have picked you out as a mark.)
- He wasn't dressed in business clothes - in a business location.
- He approached you on the third day after your very good powers of observation noted him the prior two days.
- He tried to engage you in conversation beyond a standard morning greeting between strangers.
- He was sitting when you noticed him - then he FOLLOWED you - even onto an escalator - very closely - and invaded your personal space.
- He slowed down when you gave him opportunity to pass you by.
- He forced you to walk around him.
A couple of these alone might encourage me to let it go myself as over-reacting - but all together - reading it again - just seems to have too many "red flags."
I'm not advocating walking around constantly in condition orange or red - but - it's only been a week - try not to let it go completely as a misinterpretation. You made acute observations - got his description - you have considered your own personal safety and spent years training in the martial arts which gives you more tools - sure - it may have been an isolated event. You didn't give him "victim" feedback so he may well have given up on you - but if he's a true predator - he may be just waiting for you to let your guard down.
Just be yourself - stay alert as you usually do. What would you tell a younger sister or student of yours if they had the same type of thing happen to them?
And consider getting a job farther south! We need more women karateka around here!!!
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Lori
Forum Recommended/Reviewed Books
Don't sell yourself short! Trust your first impressions - they tell a LOT! It's only after time and space that we tend to diminish the importants of certain facts - a known phenomenon that investigators are aware of - which is why they press witnesses to give statments as soon as possible after an incident. Another thing is the psychological aspect of something like this - subconciously we seek a well-ordered world around us - void of threat and stress - and our memories will adjust themselves accordingly so that we can continue our lives in a comfortable state of mind, or at least in a way that allows us to reconcile the event logically so we can put it to rest. It is natural to think you may have been over-reacting at this point in time - I've felt the same thing myself after certain things that made my radar go up. But as DeBecker writes - there is no way to accurately track the number of incidents AVOIDED because we listen to our inner survival signals.
Review a couple of points from your original post just to keep yourself from letting it go to fast. Of course we don't want to walk around in life seeing threat in everything - but to recognize a potential threat and keep THAT aspect in the back of your mind could well save your life someday.
Some of the things that stand out to me are these:
- He's someone you don't recognize as working in the building.
- At a time when most people were going TO work, on two separate days, he was just sitting, and observing. (At which time he may have picked you out as a mark.)
- He wasn't dressed in business clothes - in a business location.
- He approached you on the third day after your very good powers of observation noted him the prior two days.
- He tried to engage you in conversation beyond a standard morning greeting between strangers.
- He was sitting when you noticed him - then he FOLLOWED you - even onto an escalator - very closely - and invaded your personal space.
- He slowed down when you gave him opportunity to pass you by.
- He forced you to walk around him.
A couple of these alone might encourage me to let it go myself as over-reacting - but all together - reading it again - just seems to have too many "red flags."
I'm not advocating walking around constantly in condition orange or red - but - it's only been a week - try not to let it go completely as a misinterpretation. You made acute observations - got his description - you have considered your own personal safety and spent years training in the martial arts which gives you more tools - sure - it may have been an isolated event. You didn't give him "victim" feedback so he may well have given up on you - but if he's a true predator - he may be just waiting for you to let your guard down.
Just be yourself - stay alert as you usually do. What would you tell a younger sister or student of yours if they had the same type of thing happen to them?
And consider getting a job farther south! We need more women karateka around here!!!
------------------
Lori
Forum Recommended/Reviewed Books
Stalking
"What would I have told a younger sister or female student?"
Lori, all the things that people mentioned in this thread for starters. There has been some excellent advice both on and off forum that has come my way.
One thing that we did at our office last year was invite LEO's to come in and give a session on how to make ourselves (the women-folk) safer. It was a great information session - things like:
- Where we should park our car (i.e dark parking garages can be dangerous).
- Asking for assistance when travelling alone (what to do when the car breaks down, what not to do).
- How not to be a target (controlling our own space - something I should have done better).
- Precautions to take when walking alone at night.
While not at this session, we have also had sessions which were of a physical nature at my office:
- How to break out of wrist grabs.
- Where to kick/stomp an attacker and run.
I would recommend a safety-first/defence course to all women - of all ages - followed up by refresher courses...not just the kind where you sit around and talk, the kind where you get to be physical and verbal.
Lori, all the things that people mentioned in this thread for starters.
There has been some excellent advice both on and off forum that has come my way.One thing that we did at our office last year was invite LEO's to come in and give a session on how to make ourselves (the women-folk) safer. It was a great information session - things like:
- Where we should park our car (i.e dark parking garages can be dangerous).
- Asking for assistance when travelling alone (what to do when the car breaks down, what not to do).
- How not to be a target (controlling our own space - something I should have done better).
- Precautions to take when walking alone at night.
While not at this session, we have also had sessions which were of a physical nature at my office:
- How to break out of wrist grabs.
- Where to kick/stomp an attacker and run.
I would recommend a safety-first/defence course to all women - of all ages - followed up by refresher courses...not just the kind where you sit around and talk, the kind where you get to be physical and verbal.
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Gilbert MacIntyre
- Posts: 191
- Joined: Sat Jan 08, 2000 6:01 am
- Location: Sydney, NS, Canada
Stalking
Hey Mary, take care of yourself. Trust your instincts, don't let him see you off guard. I have to say I really like the idea of taking his picture. CLICK..."I'm turning this over to security, if your not stalking me nothing will happen, and I'm sorry. I'm sure you can understand my concern." Do it when there are others close by so he can't grab the camera.
Of course if he grabs you and ends up getting one of those great kicks in his abs. he may wish he was dead. Watch your back kid.
Gilbert.
Of course if he grabs you and ends up getting one of those great kicks in his abs. he may wish he was dead. Watch your back kid.
Gilbert.
Stalking
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Gilbert MacIntyre:
I have to say I really like the idea of taking his picture.
Of course if he grabs you and ends up getting one of those great kicks in his abs. he may wish he was dead. Watch your back kid.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
And you think our Mary would settle for only one of those great kicks?
student
I have to say I really like the idea of taking his picture.
Of course if he grabs you and ends up getting one of those great kicks in his abs. he may wish he was dead. Watch your back kid.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
And you think our Mary would settle for only one of those great kicks?
student
