What is expected of us?

[RACastanet]

Bill G. stated: Branches of the military like The Marines talk about developing "soft skills".

Here is the mission statement of the Marine Corps Martial Arts center of Excellence:

"The Marine Corps Martial Arts Center of Excellence, at Quantico, Virginia, will synergistically mold the mental, character, and combat disciplines for the Marine Corps in order to imbed Marines with the ability to honorably deal with the moral dimensions of war and ethical decisions of life who will be combat fit, ferocious, yet, honorable Marines who will maintain the moral fabric of our society while in combat, garrison, on leave/liberty, and when they return to society as citizens."

The Marines are truly concerned about the image of the Corps. CNN is waitng in the wings of every confrontation hoping to get some good footage of excess force being used. To this point, in the Martial Arts Program verbal, non-lethal weapon and pain compliance techniques are taught to give the individual Marine the means of resolving a conflict without resorting to deadly methods.

The other US Armed Forces, as well as some from other countries, are currently studying the USMC training methods with the intent of duplicating the program. As we speak, members of these armed forces are being granted permission to wear the MCMAP issued belts upon completion of the appropriate training.

Rich
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[KerryM]

Tom-

You can figure why my post was so emtional-

I was commited to the marriage too-

I hid it from everyone including my "church" until it was quote- unquote "too late" which quote came from the priest.

There was also a "medical" explanation- healing from a brain injury- until that healing "became" the excuse. For way too long- 90% recovery- but I was still being hurt. Then I had a baby, and formed my plan to escape-

all of them- including the church- and to this day- my son and I are protected- not because of my husband- and not because I've practiced circle blocks for four years- but because the "spirit" of uechi-ryu "healed" my spirit, and I now know it's NOT too late, for me or my son, and I DO have the RIGHT to protect myself, and those I love.

My book is the result, as well as my black belt will be someday-

So no apologies- just spread the word so that other people don't have to go through either emotional or physical abuse by anyone else.

K

[david]

I agree with David that the most important expectations are what you expect of yourself. However, I think it is important to consider what is expected by one’s society, family, friends, and employment. How can one gauge self-expectations with no comparison? A person can only make a lucid decision about self expectations when he or she considers the expectations of others in combination with his/her self-expectations. Without a comparison, self-expectations tend to be self-centered and egocentric. On more than one occasion, I have had to reconsider my own expectations when confronted by the expectations of my loved ones.

M.Kelly,

Very nice insight. There is the concept of the "internalized other." This is comprised of the teachings of the important people in one's life -- parents, close dear friends, mentors, etc. Even when these people have passed on, they leave an indelible impression, combined with one's own experiences, that serve to form the internal compass. If these "others" have done a good job, the individual is the not succeptible to the sway of passing others or "false messiahs." The compass get momentarily distracted, but the individual will soon recognize and get back on his/her true course.

People with a weak "internalized other" are easily swayed and led astray. There are dangerous shoals all around and the sirens beckon enticingly to those who lack a true direction and compass.

david

[Tom Faigle]

Glasheen Sensei, No apologies for the story, only the emotion. I'm still working on finding the balance of getting the point across without getting too deep or emotional.

Kerry, all I can say is that I've spent a great deal of time working on this, and I've met many others who have the same story. Our story is the same, just the details are different. A day at a time, a little more healing, and a lot more work.

Mattson Sensei, I've said it before and I'll say it many more times. I started studying Uechi-Ryu with and for my son. I wanted HIM to learn many of the "soft" skills of the martial arts such as self discipline, self respect, confidence, etc. What I found was that we both love Uechi-Ryu, and I could study for my own reasons. For me, it's a combination of things that makes it so worthwhile. Sort of a chicken and egg situation. Better physical shape leads to better self confidence, self confidence leads to serenity, serenity leads to desire, desire leads to hard work, which leads to .... Eventurally (constantly) the cycle continues if you keep working at it.
Likewise the recovery from the abuse/trauma will always be there, and like the Martial Arts I strongly feel it's how you use the experience that determines how you do.

In my case (and Kerry's it seems) I have used the trauma to build and rebuild, to refocus and to improve myself. Others haven't been so lucky.

Tom


Tom