
It works like this:
1) Put your joint/muscles in the "stretched" position.
2) Find a way to lock it there by holding yourself in that position or getting a partner to do the same.
3) Do a 100% contraction of the muscles being stretched for about 7 seconds. Be sure to breathe!
4) Relax, and hold.
5) Repeat steps 3 and 4 if you wish.
For the kote gaeshi, you need to do 2 different stretches to work on all the muscle groups involved. The first is to lock your forearm in a supinated position, and then do the PNF. The second is to lock your wrist into a flexed position, and then do the PNF.
A good kote gaeshi works the person's fingers/wrist/forearm in both degrees of freedom of motion at the same time. That's why it hurts so much.

Sometimes it helps to see someone else do a few of these. Then it just takes your imagination from that point forwards.
- Bill