The alternate path

[Bill Glasheen]

I always wondered about number 1 son and martial arts. It seemed that it wasn't a good match for him. At least in the beginning, he was hot and cold about the idea. As he went from childhood towards early adolescence, it went from ambivalence to mild dislike. And why? Partially because dad doesn't cut number 1 son any breaks. And partially because it's "stupid." None of his friends do it, after all. They all do the classic sports, and lacrosse, and... and... Nobody sticks with "kah-rah-tee" past the little dragon programs.

Of course dad understands the difference between what his friends did and what his son was doing, but...



But then and interesting thing happened. You see, last winter he went out for basketball - for the first time. He got playing time every game but... His forte was defense, and it wasn't glamorous enough for him. And there were a LOT of good players in his class.

Hmm...

Last fall he did football. That turned out better than I expected. Number 1 son grew quite a bit over the summer, and bulked up even more in the fall. He's still 13, so has more inches and pounds to put on.

Then came the choice for winter sport. My son talked with me about it just a bit. I didn't say anything, figuring he'd need to take ownership of his decision. Well... He chose wrestling. And why? Because his school has one of the best private school programs in the state, and a relatively new young coach who used to do so on the college level. And the head coach was his advisor who was his math teacher, so...

Good move, son! I told him I thought it was a great segue from his early years with me.

But dad, wrestling isn't a martial art!

Aaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!



Well... Number 1 son started from scratch this year. In his first match, he lost 6-4.

And then...

Last three matches are wins - all by pin.



(Above = overbearing, proud dad...)

- Bill

[Stryke]

I wish New Zealand had wrestling like the states

It`s a great thing Bill , much more real and alive , and can give the feedback some folks require to stay interested .

my moneys on the wrestler !!!!

[MikeK]

Good for him Bill!
One thing I've learned about #1 sons is if dad is into something then that's a good reason not to do it. I've switched to letting him find things that he likes and to encouraging him. So far he's done well with football & violin, and likes to noodle around on his bass. I used to try to get him into the martial arts but he hated it. My wife finally made me stop dragging him to classes.

[Topos]

Your great insight " I've learned about #1 sons is if dad is into something then that's a good reason not to do it" resonated quite a bit with me.

When my son was 6 years old he surprised me with "Dad, teach me Calculus" I spent half an hour explained the underlying metapors of Calculus, took him through derivatives; lo an behold he actulally performed taking derivatives of the simple functions I wrote down.

When I decided to trap him with "What, then is the derivative of an constant function?". When he said "zero" I performed a mental gasp. I queried how he concluded that he said "You told me that derivates measure rates of change and a constant had no rate of change".

knew that I had the next Gauss or Saunders Mac Lane. He was going to transcend me in mathematics. Just as my feeble brain was running ahead he announced :"I'm no longer interested. I just wanted to see what you did". He easily did math but only to get past the course.

A yeat later I was perfroming the Kata and coaxed him into learning San Chin. "OK, if you want me to".

My wife witnessed him performing the opening movements with such a controlled focus that he actulally looked like a transistorized Gushi Sensei, all the tendons defined, full focus, flowing through the first movements as if he had been in a class for months.

"WOW! You can be a top Uechi Student that I never could be. Thank God you inherited your Mom's dancer's kinesthetics".

Again I was informed that he really did not want to do Karate any more. "It is your thing, Dad".

This past Saturday we celebrated his 34 th birthday at a choice Boston Restaurent and I laughing mentioned the two incidents. He smiled and said that he understood that he had a sense of wanting to affectionately differentiate himself for me.

I thanked him for paying me the nicest compliment a Dad could get from a son, his respect, love, and success in his field independent of my path. "Now would you want to learn the Kata" I grinned"

He answered with a big smile: "What I find that what I have taken from you, Dad, is persistence and never giving up".

What a wonderful gift he gave me.

As we know, it is a Dad thing.

[Van Canna]

Wonderful

[mjanson]

What has been posted makes alot of sense. I'm just wondering how this applies with #1 son and mom ? There is no father in this household. I have always encouraged my son to do what he likes to do. In fact, he approached me about the martial arts which is something I've always wanted to do. So far it's been very interesting. We share many of the same interest. We both love the martial arts, music, math and science. We study karate together, sing together in groups, go crazy with math equations and search the sky with his telescope. It's all fun for now.....but like anything.....subject to change.

Thanks for the insight gentlemen.

mj

[MikeK]

Thanks Topos, but it was less of an insight on my part and more of my wife smacking me in my thick head and pointing out the obvious. My oldest has so much potential and talent that he will surpass me. I just have to be happy with that and let him follow his path.

MJ, Mom's are a little bit different. I think oldest boys are trying to avoid dad's shadow but that issue doesn't exist with mom. I think that's what helps with that bond between them.

Now younger sons...

[Bill Glasheen]

The thing that we need to remember is this.

I think oldest boys are trying to avoid dad's shadow

So true...

But truth be told, the same should be said for students in a martial arts club. If I have a student with me for a while and said student hasn't caught fire on something that is truly their own, then I have problems. I don't think it's healthy for students to be clone robots of some teacher they worship. In my view, that totally misses the point of martial arts.

But of course the controlling guru teachers out their don't want to hear that. And you know what happens? Those students never end up to be very good. In my view, the mark of a good teacher (or parent) isn't how well they get that student or child to mimic what they do. The mark of a great teacher and parent is how many students and kids they have that surpass them in life.

Meanwhile...

Number 1 son has not completely left the dojo. I just bring him in here and there, and give him a taste of stuff. He's now interested in bulking up, and of course dad knows a lot about that. And dad sure could use a weight training partner on occasion - when he gets old enough. So I bring number 1 son in on Saturdays and teach him ukemi. We pull the mats out and the students who do their work show him up. They're all good about it... They encourage him, and we all let him know how important it is for a wrestler to know how to fall hard from any angle and get back up again.

And then there are those weapon forms that he seems to like...

And there's that kicking form that seems to intruge him...

And he sure does like to work with Joey Pomfret when we go to camp...

But at least for now, I don't tell him he's doing "kah-rah-tay." All we're doing is helping him find his own passion in the same sand box.

Meanwhile, I now have an ally in my quest to get number 1 son on the right track. You see... The head wresting coach is his math teacher and his advisor, who also is working on number 1 son getting better study habits. And we both know how similar the process is on the mat and inside/outside the classroom. It's all the same discipline in our eyes.

But of course this was all my son's choice.

- Bill

[MikeK]

But truth be told, the same should be said for students in a martial arts club. If I have a student with me for a while and said student hasn't caught fire on something that is truly their own , then I have problems. I don't think it's healthy for students to be clone robots of some teacher they worship. In my view, that totally misses the point of martial arts.

Very true Bill. Anyway the teacher's watermark will almost always be on the student for those who know to look for it. But that may not be enough for the controlling gurus who want the student to be a billboard for them. Same for raising kids.

[2Green]

" But truth be told, the same should be said for students in a martial arts club. If I have a student with me for a while and said student hasn't caught fire on something that is truly their own , then I have problems. I don't think it's healthy for students to be clone robots of some teacher they worship. In my view, that totally misses the point of martial arts."


That's true, and the "B" side of that is the student who grasps 5% of what he/she has been taught, decides that all the rest is crap, (after all, they've spent three long years...) and goes out and starts their own school or, Heaven forbid, new Martial Art. Again.

NM

[fivedragons]

2 Green: Ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!

[MikeK]

But in karate if that is true then it's partly the teachers fault for promoting the person above what they can understand. Like with kids giving them something unearned is just going to make things worse later on down the line.

[RACastanet]

Last three matches are wins - all by pin.

WOW!

Rich

[Bill Glasheen]

Number 1 son just got pin number 4 in a row - this one against Fork Union Military Academy.

Now all we have to do is work on those grades...

- Bill

[benzocaine]

Number 1 son just got pin number 4 in a row - this one against Fork Union Military Academy.

Now all we have to do is work on those grades...

- Bill

I detect some pride in that statement Bill

Hopefully staying on the team will motivate him to buckle down more with the books.