Gray area of substance control?

[Bill Glasheen]

Just the other day my son showed me something he ordered in the mail. It's one of those Blu electronic cigarette devices.

Blu Electronic Cigarettes

Now naive me... I was assuming that he had just gotten the flavored vapor kind. I'd caught him smoking a few behind the house, and made my wishes known. So you want just to play with the oral fixation? Fine...

But no. He had ordered the kind with nicotine. Through the mail. As a minor. And nothing stopped him from doing that.

Anyone know this area of the law? I'm at a loss. I'd like to get my facts straight before plunking some money down and having a lawyer rattle their corporate cages a bit. Dad is not happy. And I believe more than one party broke the law.

Or not.

I honestly don't know yet.

It is worth mentioning that nicotine is a highly addictive drug. It's addictive nature is on par with heroine and cocaine. Starting that dependence before age 19 is particularly problematic, as the brain is still developing. Once a child is hooked, it's difficult to reprogram the brain later on. Much research has been done on this.

- Bill

[Bill Glasheen]

Not so gray an area it seems. From my lawyer.

My concern is a bit more immediate. Possession of any tobacco products could result in (son) being arrested.

Well that's about as direct as you can get.

As I told my lawyer, I'm heartened when my parental and social instincts (along with my knowledge of the human body) fall completely in line with the law. Listen to that voice in the head. Sometimes your instincts are even better than your education.

- Bill

[IJ]

Yeah, he could get arrested. I guess. We could in theory lock up the majority of our teens for some combination of alcohol, driving violations, tobacco, other drugs, and sex. But we don't. I'd be more worried about local ramifications from school--and the obvious health hazards.

I don't know how it works for tobacco online, but many of these sites operate outside the USA and good luck reaching them with complaints. They're just one step above the Nigerian bank scam emails. And all an adult themed site (or even an adult / violent image on youtube) needs to do is have a button for the user to click to certify they're of age, so the bar in similar areas isn't high.

Nicotine pushers are death dealers. Hate em.

[Bill Glasheen]

Yeah, he could get arrested. I guess. We could in theory lock up the majority of our teens for some combination of alcohol, driving violations, tobacco, other drugs, and sex. But we don't.

... unless they already have a less-than-perfect reputation. Then this schit can be brought up to harass you.

For instance... one reason I NEVER have ANY alcohol in my system is that I like driving in a spirited fashion. If stopped, I don't want to have ANY other violation of the law. So I don't tempt fate. Plus driving with no alcohol in the system makes me a better driver. It's nice when things fall in line like that.

I've been let go the last 3 times I was stopped. The outcome speak volumes.

Nicotine pushers are death dealers. Hate em.

Nicotine has touched my family through many generations, and not in a kind way. My father is the exception, and he's living a life much longer (and healthier) than his brothers and dad.

- Bill

[PreyingMantis]

How did your son manage to possess this product? If it was an internet order there is no way to prove your age. Does he have a bankcard of someone's? Throw the damn things away. it is not that hard. Keep throwing them away? Did another adult order them? Or better yet cancel his internet! That will solve the problem for good

I do not know much about your child but it sounds to me like he is a typical teenage boy testing the water to see how deep he can swim.

[Bill Glasheen]

Easier said than done on all counts.

1) He's old enough to use internet, and needs it for school.

2) He's got a job and is earning his own money. Good!

3) Mom opened an account with him at a bank, which allows him to deposit and manage his money. With this comes the right to have a bank card. He can use it to buy a burger at McDonald's etc. Nothing wrong with that.

All's fine until he starts using perfectly reasonable things in unreasonable ways.

- Bill

[PreyingMantis]

Ok so here's the thing. I come from an extremely strict background, yet I have lightened up on my child some and a little on my husband. (Yes, it's true, you really do have to raise your spouse!!!!)

But if a child takes advantage of their privileges then it is time to rip it out of their hands. Tuff schit if they can not use their bank card to buy food. Give them an allowence on what they can spend. Who cares if they earn their own money! How many teenagers do you know actually have enough sense to spend or save responsibly?

A job is a privilege as well as what is earned until it is time to grow up and do it all on your own.

Crack the whip on his butt. It doesn't matter what is fair, it only matters what is right.

[IJ]

I know Bill doesn't mess around with his kids and takes their upbringing very seriously. I wouldn't worry too much about him or them. Some thoughts on your post beyond that:

Who cares if they earn their own money? Parents. It makes a lot of difference in kids understanding of money if they have to earn it. It generates responsibility. They get rewarded if they learn to save. They reap benefits long term, ie, I worked 3 part time jobs in college and put money away during my 4th year in college. I've been frugal from then on with the exception of buying a home in San Diego, which is always insane, and I'm still saving like mad.

And how many teens do I know that can spend or save responsibly? Bill only needs to know one, ideally two, if I understand his child count properly. I personally have been able to make reasonably good decisions for a long time. I haven't been drunk, smoked, or used any drugs; I rebuffed a bunch of enticing offers for sex, protected and otherwise, starting at the age of 15 from a then-senior and future valedictorian who should have known better. I've always driven carefully and have only been in an accident if you count a nutty cab driver in boston backing into me. I've never started a fight and I fled from the ones that were brought to me. And I resented attempts to treat me like a child when I was better than that--say, relationship criticism from a multidivorced mom fighting with her latest husband when the person I selected stayed with me 6 years from age 18 and parted on good terms. Thankfully interference was rare. In contrast, a friend and her system raised under a super strict megachristian philosphy have one teen pregnancy in highschool, a divorce, several affairs and lots of other rebelllions between the two of them. Sometimes these strategies backfire.

Incidentally I've read that teens who cautiously experiment with some substance abuse turn out better than those that overdo it or who never try any. I'm not saying I recommend that, and I don't recall the citation, either, but teens need to figure themselves out a bit, and its a balancing act smothering them vs letting them screw themselves up. In any case I think Bill is on the job and considering his options just fine.

PS: Bill, I absolutely would tear up the card if he's actually buying burgers at McDonalds. Eww.

[Bill Glasheen]

PS: Bill, I absolutely would tear up the card if he's actually buying burgers at McDonalds. Eww.

Humor duly noted. Touche!

We started him right. But now that he's a teenager, he's rebelling from all things dad. You know... "I don't want any of that healthy schit. I want REAL food." Real food is of course the cr@p all his friends eat that is the cause of an obesity and metabolic syndrome epidemic in this country.

So I let him buy a few burgers. About 7 years from now, he just may come around.

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years."
- Mark Twain

A dad has to choose his battles. I'll let him win that one.

- Bill