This is Dave Young's Forum.
Can you really bridge the gap between reality and training? Between traditional karate and real world encounters? Absolutely, we will address in this forum why this transition is necessary and critical for survival, and provide suggestions on how to do this correctly. So come in and feel welcomed, but leave your egos at the door!
Additional expenses were never mentioned. They were only presented after the student had become a regular in the dojo, and the 'Master' had time to assess the students financial and emotional state.
A famous question some TKD masters ask when signing up as a contingency to your monthly payments is "How much do you make?" I used to say "None of your business." and w2alk out. The problem experienced is not a unique one. If it smells like fish, it is fish. BUYER BEWARE.
Truly a tough issue, Sensei. Having the priviledge of knowing so many fine martial artists from these forums (as well as in the past), it is not just a desired action, but a duty to educate people about such masquarading cults. Especially if one springs up in your area that you have information about...
I'll be reading with a mixture of sadness and anger.
A group of Uechi seniors has been corresponding with a student who had a very bad experience with a martial arts cult. We suggestion, among other things, that she document her experiences and share them with others. Although this specific situation involved a Korean martial art, the abuse is not limited to any culture, system or organization. I will be serializing the article in ten parts. Please feel free to jump in anytime to make comments. GEM
Spiritual Abuses in the Martial Arts (Mind Control Groups that call themselves Martial Arts) "Cults"
Martial Arts, the art of physical and spiritual conditioning through sexual exploitation, financial rape, and emotional abuse. When you have completed your black belt program, it will leave you with feelings of overwhelming inadequacy, compounded with severe anxiety attacks.
It cost me $17,000 to learn this, but I was fortunate I was taught by the best. For the less fortunate, it would probally cost a great deal more, but my Master was a patient and understanding Master. He would allow me personal time in his own private mediational chamber, where he would burn incense and gently tell me why my life had gone wrong.
He was a 6th dan black belt. In South Africa he had been Botha's private bodyguard. He had also served in Cuba, Russia, and had been a mercenary in Angola. All of this he told me, and how could I not believe him, having watched him move across the dojo with such deadly precision.
He terrified me, which was his first lesson. For with terror how can their be anything but utter submission.
It's taken me twelve months to recover from my experience. Twelve months of grueling humiliation, to realize how completely I'd allow myself to be victimized by this 'person'.
I have no excuses. What happened to me, happened because I allowed it to take place. I was weak when I should have been strong. I faltered when I should have been resloute.
It's difficult to look back and realize what I allowed to happen by my own meek acquiescence. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have allowed this man to dominate my life so completely?
I can rationalize it to some extent with the understanding, this is what this man does. This is how he works. He's spent years perfecting this technique. He knows the buttons to push, and he knows the people who are vulnerable. Unfortunately, to my shame, I was one of them.
Martial Arts seemed to be the perfect mix of maintaining physical fitness while learning basic self-defense. An introduction course was offered for $85 for 30 days. Additional expenses were never mentioned. They were only presented after the student had become a regular in the dojo, and the 'Master' had time to assess the students financial and emotional state.
The 'Master's' ability at these assessments was quite artful. He would run credit checks, title searches, and even go so far as to actually drive by an applicant's home address to get a 'sense' of each of his students. The size of a potential students home seemed to be an integral part of the Art of Tae Kwon Do, or at least to this particular 'Master'.
Manipulation and control techniques take many forms, many of which are extremely subtle.
Anyone care to make up a list?
I'll start with one:
* Owning your students, keeping them prisoners of your dojo/association, and forbidding them the opportunity to visit other dojo and/or enjoy common activities such as the tournament this past Saturday.
The dojo was run by two 'Masters' . S and his wife P. In retrospect, I can clearly see the roles they took on are chronicled in almost every detective movie. One of them would play the 'good' cop, while the other would play the 'bad' . They would alternate roles from time to time, making it even more difficult to understand what was taking place. One would rant and rave about the purity of Martial Arts, while the other would offer patented sympathy, in what I now realize is classic manipulative behavior. This same behavior can be found in alcoholics, cult leaders, and physically abusive homes.
Extreme anger, compounded with a sudden shift to sympathetic compassion is incredibly effective. Before you know what you're doing, you find yourself attempting to earn the 'Masters's' approval to avoid his rage.
This is basic psychology 101, but there is a vast difference between knowing and experiencing this type of manipulation. The experience leaves you breathless and unable to clearly gain any objectivity.
My 30 day introductory course was marked by repeated praise by 'Master S'. He would often compliment me on my form and dedication, comparing me favorably to his other students. His comments about his other students was always tinged with disgust. He made me feel as if I had been naturally blessed with abilities only he could appreciate. I felt flattered and gratified and renewed my efforts to earn his praise. After my positive assessments, he took me aside and told me about his Teaching Program for gifted students. The program was a two year intensive study, which on completion would reward the student with a black belt and a teaching certificate. He admitted it was expensive, but added that this course was rarely offered to any but his finest students. The course would cost $10,000 and include special instructions.
It was a great deal of money but I was hooked. I loved the physical challenge of Tae Kwon Do, and ' Master S', with all of his experience, seemed the perfect instructor.
I paid the fee and began my studies. Included in the two year program, was the added benefit of personal time with 'Master S'. He would take a favored student into his mediational chamber, a small cozy room, candle lit, filled with the relaxing scent of incense, and speak to them. He would impart his wisdom, explaining the world, and how we had all failed the world. Only he, 'The Master', was able to live with dedication and grace. At times he would grow angry, raging against the incompetence of his other students, but always reassuring me that I had been chosen, I was the one who understood him.
[This message has been edited by gmattson (edited May 29, 2001).]
I have no excuses. What happened to me, happened because I allowed it to take place. I was weak when I should have been strong. I faltered when I should have been resolute.
As we keep reading here, it might do well to keep in mind the above.
Remember that women, more so than men, will always become targets of opportunity based on signals they put out. Such signals are so subliminal that even the women victims don't realize they are putting out; and when they are made to realize it, they tend to rationalize it away.
It is all in someone's personality and make up, their needs to get attention, their lack of self esteem that places them at risk.
Hard to face up to it, but true. And it is true of men as well.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Van Canna:
Hard to face up to it, but true. And it is true of men as well.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Truer words were never written. What is very difficult for those who are "outside looking in" is seeing it happen and knowing that no matter what you say, it rarely changes things and generally makes the person angry with you... and then the person only realizes you were right after it's too late. And while we're discussing it, the fact that you can see it when it's someone else, doesn't mean that you won't do the exact same rationalizing when it's happening to you! It can happen to anyone under the right circumstances... and the only way to prevent it is through constant vigilance.
By this point, I was determined to finish the two year course. My financial commitment added to my determination.
How could I possibly walk away after having spent that much money?
' Master S' began to test my dedication. His comments became more disparaging. At first all of his criticism were relegated to his other students, but gradually they began to include me. How could I dress the way I did? I was a married woman. What did my husband think of me? Did I know that my husband called the dojo to talk to the 'Master' about my behavior?
His attacks were insidious. I couldn't refute them without calling everything I had been told into question. And If I questioned any of it, then everything was a lie. It left me in a position where I was forced to believe all that he said.
'Master P', his wife accused me of flirting with her husband. I was shocked, and told her I was married and I loved my husband. She smiled and told me , "Many women had found her husband attractive, and I was no different."
Insulted, I ignored her for the rest of the day. 'Master S' took me aside after practiced, and told me his wife had mentioned my attraction. He put his hand on my shoulder, and told me not to worry, she was a very possessive person and that they were not really married.
I went home wondering if I could continue practicing at the dojo. If I didn't continue, how could I explain to anyone how crazy things had gotten? How could I possibly explain to my husband what was going on?
I knew exactly what 'Master S' and 'Master P' would say. They would tell him that I had become enamored with the 'Master' . It would be their word against mine. They were supremely disciplined people, professionals, spiritually enlightened beings.
Would my husband believe me?
I decided to continue with the course. I would practice, do my work, and ignore everything else.
'Master S' asked to speak to me after practice. He wanted to know what was wrong. Why was I avoiding him? He had come to count on me. I was his prized student. Had something happened at home?
I assured him everything was fine at home.
He told he knew how hard it must be for me. My husband traveled and everyone knew what husbands did when they were away from home.
I tried to protest, but he refused to listen. He told me he had spoken with my husband, and my husband had confessed to him.
"Everything will be all right," 'Master S' assured me. "I would learn strength through my exercises."
As I left the dojo that day, 'Master P' halted her class to ask if 'The Master' had spoken to me.
Coincidentally, there is an article on the Globe today about the sex-exploitation of female inmates at South Bay.
I see some parallels to this, especially as to the allegations of "flirtatious conduct" allegedly misread that turned women inmates into victims of predatory guards.
She laughed derisively and announced to the class that I was 'The Master's' latest conquest. Before I could reply, she called the class to order. I stormed out of the dojo.
I drove home, agonizing over my humiliation. I vowed to speak to them tomorrow. I was determined to either resolve this issue, or quit.
'Master S' called me into his mediational chamber the next day. He asked why I was so upset. He could feel the disturbance in my aura. He suggested I mediate more.
I told him I was confused by what was happening.
He told me he had often seen this before with many of his favored students. As their spiritual powers increased, they began to question the priorities that had ruled out their lives. Through decades of meditation and exercise, he told me, he had achieved a oneness with the universe that allowed him to see into peoples minds. He could see my anxiety, and I must strive harder to resolve this issue. He told me he was aware of my husband's business practices, and I should be cautious. There was a time of great upheaval approaching in our financial and personal lives. He advised me to continue meditating and searching for the proper path. He would help me find the way.
His kindly demeanor made me question my motives.
Maybe it was I who was at fault.
I had been told often that the outside world was ruled by cruelty and suspicion. Was I allowing these values to create my anxiety?
The 'Master' promised to work with me on a personal level. I was worthy, while so many of his students weren't. They were ruled by money and their sexuality, only I understood the true values of TKD. 'The Master' advised me to ignore the other students. They were wealthy dilettantes without discipline or morals. They could not be trusted.
'The Master' began to work with me. He would undertake long arduous practices, then retreat to his mediational chamber. He began to illustrate his spiritual lessons with anecodotes from his past. He told me he had been forced to kill people, and while these deaths had been justified, there were those who sought to destroy him because of these actions. He would never allow this to happen. He would take whatever measures were necessary to continue his life's work.
I suddenly wondered if he considered me a threat. And if I was, what would he do?
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Van Canna: As we keep reading here, it might do well to keep in mind the above.
Remember that women, more so than men, will always become targets of opportunity based on signals they put out. Such signals are so subliminal that even the women victims don't realize they are putting out; and when they are made to realize it, they tend to rationalize it away.
It is all in someone's personality and make up, their needs to get attention, their lack of self esteem that places them at risk.
If I may address you as Van Sensei without introduction, I would like to thank you for writing this opinion. Whether it is based on studied text, personal observation, or a combination of both, your statement hit home with me and I feel it is why people become vitctimized. Both physically or emotionally. I think it is due in part, that for most, this is an area of oneself that people don't generally realize exists.
My reason for coming out of "lurke" mode is to ask if you or anyone is aware of reading material on the subject matter of these "signals". There is someone close to me that I have been trying to get to understand this but I have been unable to get my hands on any convincing material.
Thank you for allowing my inquiries and any direction in this matter is greatly appreciated.
Thanks for posting. Feel free to address me as you wish, I am still only a student.
I can appreciate your interest in the matter, this is much more of a problem than people realize.
My views of this were shaped by observations and also by my training and investigative work in sexual harassment cases.
Mind you I am not suggesting that all women are like that, or that all victims of sexual harassment or abuse send signals asking for it, but many do just that, consciously or subconsciously.
It is all about perceptions, real or imagined.
Lots of women that get into trouble, really show a poor level of emotional development, and flag a certain matching behavior accordingly.
Some do things quite innocently, such as engaging in actions that would be deemed adolescent flirtations by behavioral researchers: breaking touching boundaries, sitting close, smiling, making eye contact .
And then suddenly, this realization and pressure by the other person’s misread expectations, often oppressive and heavy-handed, intent on trapping the other in discomfort and even fear.
Others are quite calculating and manipulative; with behavior either culturally shaped or modulating from low self esteem, insecurities, need of attention and/or physical, and financial/positional gratification.
Women practice it more consciously and more frequently than men and many admit to rehearsing their moves.
It takes the form of shameless self-promotion, a clever kind of "personality" advertising.
And it is perceived as a silent negotiating process in which gestures transmit information about the viability of a possible non-descript “liaison”!
The person at the receiving end of this stimulus has his emotions or feelings raised by the one doing the “perceived” flirting, raising his hopes, self-esteem, and expectations.
When he realizes there is nothing there, and that he has been manipulated, he reaches a real “low” in his feelings and self esteem, giving rise to humiliation, annoyance, rejection,sadness, anger and often , violence.
Disturbing tale... I'm afraid to read the outcome, but also hopeful since the person obviously "survived" enough to relay the information of what happened. I hope the perps are doing hard time...
Canna-sensei,
You never cease to amaze me... reading the points and explainations that you've posted seems to cause me to have one epiphany after another! (sigh...) When I realize that I've seen this happen way too many times without actually knowing what was going on at the time. The subtle overtures, actions and reactions of the human animal are often lost in the day to day... but when I read it so plainly in black and white, well... It's almost like getting kicked in the head by Maria-sensei's mawashi-geri! The lightbulb turns on, the stars start to sparkle and the little birds start chirping causing a mental "Eureka!" Thanks... It helps to understand where some things come from and why certain things happen a certain way.
[This message has been edited by Panther (edited May 24, 2001).]
And while we're discussing it, the fact that you can see it when it's someone else, doesn't mean that you won't do the exact same rationalizing when it's happening to you! It can happen to anyone under the right circumstances... and the only way to prevent it is through constant vigilance.
The lightbulb turns on, the stars start to sparkle and the little birds start chirping causing a mental "Eureka!" Thanks... It helps to understand where some things come from and why certain things happen a certain way. 
